Amused and Musing by the Thames

So I went to the South Bank again today. It was BEAUTIFUL in London, and I figured that I better enjoy the nice weather while its around for me to. As usual, the South Bank was hopping with tourists, Londoners and entertainment, but my venture wasn't in the name of amusement or distraction. I find myself falling into that familiar, unquenchable feeling of lethargy and stagnation. I think: I'm in London, and what am I doing? Part of me is crippled by my hesitation to do social things after dark alone, but it's also this feeling that something isn't getting the pilot light lit in my heart. Since I find myself basically the only one on our entire floor today (everyone is out on a trip away from London) I was left with little to console these misgivings.
Here are my musings as I wrote them while soaking up sun rays in the Jubilee Gardens.

The wind blows across my face, turning the pages of my notebook where it lays in the grass by my feet. The sun is warm on my face and, whether I'm in London or Ithaca, it is the same sun. It gives me the same warmth and the same light. Even the grass seems to be the same shade of green.
So how do I know I'm in London and not Ithaca, New York? Any GPS system or map would confirm that I am, in fact, an ocean away from Ithaca, work, family, my apartment and my kitty. My cell phone has no signal, so I can neither make nor receive phone calls from familiar voices. The only people I really know around here are the handful of people associated with the trip. This is how I know I'm in London.
The same people seem to walk the same charcoal-colored streets and listen to the same popular, overly repetitive music, but as the ground beneath me trembles with the passing of a tube train, I know I am not where I've always called home. I am far away from school and work and the haven of safety I've woven for myself. I am exposed and naked, standing in front of a red-tinted light that's asking me, "What have you done?"
I came to London to run away: To escape the net of boredom and the thousands of whispered complications haunting me when my mind wanders. Now it's like there's a spirit stirring in me the desire to wake up. It's screaming for me to open my eyes and break free before I am lost to a world of disillusion. In a world where there are no more heroes and no more fairy tales, I am clawing desperately to tear down a wall of disenchantment.
I want to be thrown into a tide with a current I can't swim against and left to the mercies of fate to bring me back home safe. I want a chance to prove to the Gods and to myself that I am strong: That I am capable of moving mountains and swaying tides. I want to find my great adventure and charge forward into it without regret or hesitation, but mostly I want to wake up from this dream of safety and see London with the wonderment and splendor of a child who sees Santa Clause on Christmas Eve.
I came to London to find something beyond myself: A spark to carry with me and kindle in my heart a fire of life, glory and beauty before the chance to write my legend passes by.

So those were my general thoughts today.Other than that it was kind of a lazy day for catching up on laundry and recuperating before the last week of class. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a lot of fun and getting so much out of this trip that I can hardly believe or contain. I guess I'm just having a bit of a problem jump-starting my inspiration.

JD